hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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