I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
