Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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