listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
