i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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