he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
vagina is talking i cant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
