I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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