He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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