Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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