if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
