A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
