that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
