the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
