can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
