My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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