I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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