I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
