So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
