$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
