Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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