You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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