I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
