don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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