hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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