So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
