he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
