Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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