but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
