The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
