Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
