dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
