We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
