yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
