Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
