Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
