I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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