lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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