Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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