Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
