so explain again why im purple
no
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
