i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
