party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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