If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Be still, my beating vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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