I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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