Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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