Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
