I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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