He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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