ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
