please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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