Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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