The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
