Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
did you just send me my own nude
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
