I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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