Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
