smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize