Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
