i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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