So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
